Tuesday, December 07, 2004

Ivana Trump : "Who needs a dreary lover around?"

Eastern European whorelet Ivana Trump, marketing her new show "Ivana Young Man," let drop from her collogened lips, like canapes, these studied pearls of wisdom, according to Hello!Magazine:

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"'Who needs a dreary lover around? ... Young guys, they don't complain. They're healthy and they're enjoying life. Why should I go with a guy who is so set in his ways and with a bad back and a bad knee? My message is we empower women.'"

We will gloss over entirely the fact that she actually used the word "lover" to describe her jump-offs. There is nothing we could say that would adequately stress the sheer datedness and antique pretention of that word enough. Be that as it may, empowerment begins at home, and, well, Ivana has a very wierd website, that says, among other twaddle:

"My daughter Ivanka just graduated from the Wharton School of Finance, and took a very low profile job with an architectural firm in Brooklyn(!) to really learn the real estate/building business."

Okay now, what's with the unsanctioned use of the exclamation point? The Corsair lives in Brooklyn, he loves Brooklyn, and he frankly doesn't take kindly to Eastern European whorelets who date Euroskanky pseudoprincelets (hehe) running down his borough (The Corsair rolls up his sleeves) -- I demand satisfaction!

If it only ended there, dear reader (wipes brow), The Corsair would be gallant and let it slide, but, no, she had to push it -- like the Karate Kid and the hose in the bathroom stall ruining Johnny's Kobra-Kai joint -- Ivana's offenses against decency creach boiling point, to wit:

"AND...with all my experience in hotels, hospitality and travel, a fabulous new 150 million dollar project dropped into my lap. It will be called the IVANA GREAT BARRIER REEF RESORT in Australia. The resort consists of only 42 condos each with Jacuzzis and 20 meter pools. It's the latest condominium idea for people who love to travel, enjoy business and leisure, a sense of privacy in a paparazzi free zone, and consider real estate a fantastic investment. Take a look at http://www.ivana-great-barrier-reef.com/, and you'll how special it all is."

Oh, The Corsair is sure that it's a very "special" Ivana project, one that will only attract the highest quality human meat to participate. And increase the shark population in the Great Barrier Reef, no doubt. The Ivana brand name being what it is among the top drawer.

And the dingbat blathers on:

"I'm still going every second month to Canada to the Shopping Channel to sell my line of jewelry and cosmetics. One other piece of work I totally adore, I give speaking engagements all across the country and around the world. It really gives me a chance to say some of the ideas and concepts I believe in strongly."

There is so much The Corsair could say about any organization that would pay this woman's fee for a speaking engagement, but we will refrain, and head back to Hello! Magazine, for comfort:

"With just weeks to go before her reality special, Ivana Young Man, hits the small screen in the States, Ivana Trump was on radiant form at a plush gala fundraiser in the Castle of Versailles on Monday.

"Elegant in a cerise strapless gown with matching wrap and shoulder-length earrings, Ivana, 55, beamed as she made her entrance on the arm of her beau, 33-year-old Italian model and dancer Rossano Rubicondi."

The Corsair has no comment.

"There's an extra buzz surrounding the new TV show, which will see six young men vying to win an older woman, since it emerged that Rossano is to play an undisclosed role. 'He's a brilliant actor,' says executive producer Scott Stone, without letting anyone in on the specifics. 'And he tells me he likes his character almost as much as himself.'

"Multi-millionairess Ivana, who used to be married to multi-billionaire Donald Trump but has also earned a stash in her own right, is taking a characteristically enthusiastic approach to her new project."

4 comments:

erin said...

If I could afford a luxury condo in Australia with my own 20 meter pool I would NOT want Ivana's name on the gate.

Come to think of it, I really wouldn't even want Ivana's name on the gate of my little southside chicago condo. So!

The Corsair said...

I entirely agree. Ivana Trump, to me, says, "oily C-List rouee Count" and that's not especially the thing I'm going for with my living arrangements.

Anonymous said...

Uh, doesn't Ivanka Trump work for Bruce Ratner? "Architectural firm" isn't the most accuarte description for BR Inc.

Anonymous said...

I SAW A PREVIEW FOR THIS NEW IVANA REALITY SHOW A COUPLE MONTHS AGO ON ENTERTAINMENT TONIGHT! DOES ANYONE KNOW WHEN ITS ACTUALLY GOING TO AIR ALREADY??

SORRY, I AM ADDICTED TO REALITY SHOWS AND ONE OF THE GUYS LIVES IN MY HOMETOWN, SO I AM ROOTING FOR HIM!!!

THANKS
ANGELA